"I think he's cute," Arlene said to Bill [of Bill and Karen], "but you looked like a rabbit caught in the headlights tonight."

Craig was disgusted with Fiona and Brendan's Rumba. "That was a complete dance disaster... I can't say one good thing about it." Len thought they showed signs of improvement, but added, "It was a bit like a trifle, there was plenty of fruit on the top, but underneath it was all spongy."

"Second hurdle cleared, best Quickstep of the night," gushed Len to Colin and Erin. Arlene even compared Colin to Fred Astaire!


Week 3:

"I think you were going to become a one-week wonder... but to me you've come back to form," said Len about Zoe and Ian's Jive. "I liked the cheekiness of it very much," agreed Bruno. "It lacked a lot of attack," disagreed Craig.

Craig hated Bill and Karen's dance: "It was all very camp and passive... I would say 'perhaps not.'" "That was the least like a tango than I've ever seen," agreed Arlene.

"It was the rooster and the ladybird this week, and what a confident rooster!" said Bruno, but he added that Dennis and Izabella's dance was more Rock 'n' Roll than Jive.

Bruno loved Patsy and Anton's dance: "A drama queen and one of the best ones... You acted the dance." "It was a true Tango," gushed Arlene. "Real passion; I thought they'd actually fallen for each other!"

"Will, you were just behind the beat," said Arlene [about Will and Hanna], "This beautiful torso you're showing off, you're not using it!"

"You're not actors - there was no passion or aggression... you walked across the floor," said Len after Colin and Erin's Tango. Craig surprised us all by disagreeing: "I thought it was alright to be honest." "It was Robocop," argued Bruno.

"The lady and the toy boy!" Bruno said [about Gloria and Darren.] "You're one of the couples that when we watch you it makes us happy," said Len.

"Sometimes you looked like a murderer... you didn't pitch it as good as in previous weeks," said Bruno after James and Camilla's Tango. "It was a really brave routine, and I encourage freedom of expression," Craig disagreed.

"You lack confidence. You need Paul McKenna," said Arlene after Fiona and Brendan's dance. Bruno was more constructive, offering this advice: "Never stop believing - there was a glimmer of talent exploding tonight... build on that."

"He's the Yorkshire Valentino tonight," said Bruno [about Darren and Lilia.] "You seem in total control of the dance," agreed Len. "Masculine, powerful and very strong," said Craig.


Week 4:

"This is competition isn't a sprint, it's a marathon and the trick is to come back each week stronger and you did that." said Len regarding Colin and Erin's Paso Doble. Craig was also impressed: "I really enjoyed that, it was a very odd choice of music... but you came out on top."

"Tonight Zoe you were my lovely queen of the ballroom - perfect," said Arlene [about Zoe and Ian's dance.] "The Foxtrot is sophistication and elegance and you've got it in spades," agreed Bruno. "You should have children and the world would be a much more beautiful place!" gushed Craig.

Craig hated Dennis and Izabela's Paso Doble: "That was absolutely woeful. You're starting to rival Quentin Wilson (from series two)." "Your problem is your posture. I want Camilla to take his snooker cue and put it right up his shirt," advised Len.

"Will, you sly fox!" said Arlene after Will and Hanna's Foxtrot. "You came out and did that Foxtrot liked you owned to floor." "Tonight Will you have graduated as a leading man!" agreed Bruno.

"It had a fantastic start, but it just didn't go anywhere," said a disappointed Len [about James and Camilla's Paso.] "I thought it was really dramatic from beginning to end," disagreed Craig.

"Do I see a little butterfly emerging from the chrysalis?" said Bruno after Fiona and Brendan's Foxtrot. "It was much, much better, [but] I haven't seen trotting like that since I saw the film Seabiscuit," said Len. "Lame, lame, lame," said Craig.

"It was a bit like a Paso from Pinner, rather than one from Spain. It was common," said Arlene regarding Bill and Karen's Paso Doble. "It felt like Quentin Crisp does the Paso," agreed Craig. "I felt it was a really credible performance," disagreed Len.

"Another spot on performance," said Len [about Patsy and Anton's dance.] "I have three words to say - Smooth, effortless and elegant," enthused Bruno.

"It was really nice to see a strong Flamenco beginning... I thought it was great," said Craig regarding Darren and Lilia's Paso. "The best Paso of the night," said Len. "You must have been a dancer in a previous life!" agreed Arlene.


Week 5:

Bruno wasn't impressed with Darren and Lilia's Waltz: "It started off well, but halfway through you went into a bit of a Dalek mode." Craig had problems with Darren's neck, while Arlene had trouble with his arms.

Craig's opinion was mixed after Dennis and Izabela's Samba: "The good news is your posture has improved... but the bad news is it lacked energy." Len noted that Dennis started well, "but then the boogaloo of dance took over." "Tonight is the best that you have danced," pointed out Bruno.

"The problem was you looked like you were riding the crest of the wave," said Arlene [about Will and Hanna's Waltz,] "but you looked like the horses in that famous beer ad." "It was more like a Polka or a drunken hoedown, You were waltzing around like a drunken kangaroo," agreed Craig.

"It was the boy from Brazil let loose and bootylicious," said Bruno after Colin and Erin danced. "There was quite a lot of hip-hop in there," he added. Arlene also loved it: "I think you could teach Erin a thing or two about dirty dancing!"

"I think you did amazingly well, dancing through the pain. It was your best yet" said Craig to Bill and Karen. "You were poised, controlled and elegant," agreed Bruno.

"The one thing you need with the Samba is rhythm, and you lacked it tonight," said Len to Patsy and Anton after their Samba. Arlene was similarly disappointed: "That could be have been the horniest and dirtiest Samba you have seen... you need it to get it together."

Len loved James and Camilla's dance: "Prince Charming and the beautiful princess. It was the best Waltz of the night." "I didn't like it one bit," said Craig, adding that James was robotic.

"Not perfect, but I loved it," said Craig [after Zoe and Ian's Samba.] "There was sizzle in your Samba," gushed Arlene.


Week 6:

"It should have a lot of electricity in it, but it ran out for me," said Len [about James and Camilla's Jive.] "It was as flat as a pancake," agreed Bruno. "There was not an ounce of bounce... it was not good enough for week six," said Arlene.

"I think you make a very, very exciting couple," said Craig after Zoe and Ian Quickstepped. "Almost like being in heaven! Every nuance in the music was there," concurred Bruno.

"You are to dancing what I am to Breakfast News presenting, you try too, too hard," said Arlene regarding Bill and Karen's Rumba. "It was Godzilla and the praying mantis," agreed Bruno. "This man deserves a medal for producing work above and beyond the call of duty," disagreed Len.

"I thought that was fantastic," said Len [about Will and Hanna's Tango.] "There is something dead inside Will," said Arlene. "I want to see something from within to match what we're seeing outside." "Instead of a torrent of a passion it was a trickle," agreed Bruno. "Absolute rubbish," countered Craig.

"With you there's more ups and downs than the plotlines of EastEnders," said Bruno [about Patsy and Anton's Quickstep,] "but this week you were on the up again." "I loved the story at the top... I thought the whole routine was delightful," agreed Craig. "Tonight we saw Patsy Palmer the actress come onto the floor at last," said Arlene.

"The one thing that Darren does is celebrate the joy of dance, but it was a bit heavy and leaden," said Arlene after Lilia and Darren's Jive. "GI Darren you rock, you captured the spirit of the dance," said Bruno. "I thought it was absolutely fab," agreed Craig, "but you do need to work on your arms."

"Last week Action Jackson this week Cool, Calm Colin!" gushed Len to Colin and Erin [about their Foxtrot.] "You were leading the dance, which was great," said Craig. "Tonight you were Commanding Colin, and that was the best male celebrity Foxtrot we have ever seen," said Arlene.


Week 7:

"I liked the start it was too lovers sitting on a bench, and I liked the end - Hansel and Gretel running through the woods." said Len [regarding Bill and Karen's Waltz.] "It lacked movement and drive," said Bruno, "but it was better than last week."

"Patsy you look fantastic, and I also think you are great value on the show, but halfway through tonight it didn't work." "If this was a shimmy competition you'd win first prize, but it's not," added Arlene [about Patsy and Anton's Cha Cha Cha.] "These three need their eyes testing," disagreed Len.

"Fabulous start... lovely movements throughout," said Len to Colin and Erin after their Viennese Waltz. "You maintained your hold throughout, I thought it was fabulous," said Craig. "You are like a light bulb that has just been switched on," said Arlene.

"Passion with a capital 'P'," said Bruce. "Bravo! They are gorgeous... I'm speechless," agreed Bruno after Zoe and Ian danced the Tango. "Your Tango made me tingle.. You sent the standard of the competition up into the stratosphere!" gushed Arlene.

"Darren you have so much style, I think you were born with it," said Arlene to Darren and Lilia about their Foxtrot. Craig loved the musical routine. "I expected you to come out and be really heavy, but you were fabulous." Bruno put it differently: "You are like a playboy showing off your latest conquest," he said.

"All the ingredients were there and you made the right dish," said Bruno to James and Camilla after their Waltz. "I thought tonight was absolutely charming... the master chef was a master dancer," agreed Arlene.


Week 8:

"The Welsh dragon melts the heart of the ice maiden," said Len whilst talking about Colin and Erin's Rumba. "Tonight you truly had the passion and the intensity of a Latin dancer," agreed Bruno. "That was one raunchy Rumba," gushed Arlene, who then offered Colin a job!

"For the quarter final it was a disaster," said Bruno about James and Camilla's Samba. "It was like a whippet running round a lamppost." "It was completely awkward... I don't think the Samba is your thing," agreed Craig.

"Tonight the sparkle was back in Patsy," said Bruno regarding Patsy and Anton's Jive. "You still do have to pay attention to precision," he added. "I thought it was your personal best," said Craig.

"For someone of your stature that went very well," said Craig [about Darren and Lilia's Rumba.] "Much improved." It rather looked like your hips had gone into hibernation this week," said Arlene. Of his arms, she said, "It was like a kid when he pretends to be an aeroplane."

"This is the first time I saw her make a few blunders," pointed out Len to Zoe and Ian. "You really give 100 per cent, and you look absolutely gorgeous," said Bruno.

"It was really, really top notch," said Len [about Colin and Erin's American Smooth.] "Glamorous elegant and witty," agreed Bruno. "You put the fizz into physical," added Arlene.

"I wasn't convinced by your sways, it was a bit like a goalie," said Arlene to James and Camilla. "For an American Smooth it wasn't exciting enough... it wasn't Hollywood," said Bruno.

"That was a Hollywood, musical comedy routine," said Bruno regarding Patsy and Anton. "I was expecting Fed and Barney, but I got Fred and Ginger," agreed Len. Even Arlene loved it: "If you keep going like that, you deserve a place in the final."

"Well I've got the sweetest feeling we'll be seeing you next week!" said Arlene to Darren and Lilia. "I think you both make Ballroom very sexy," said Craig.

"Right back where you belong, top of the tree... beautiful," said Len [about Zoe and Ian.] "Romance set to music, just like being in a dream," agreed Bruno.


Week 9

"You just performed a fantastic Waltz," said Len after Darren and Lilia's dance. "Gene Kelly and Leslie Caron in An American in Paris," said Bruno. "Romantic fresh and beautiful." "I thought that was a great routine, absolutely beautiful," said Craig. "Your charm Darren is that you have a twinkly in your eye and a twinkle in your feet," said Arlene.

Arlene loved Zoe and Ian's Viennese Waltz: "You really are such a complete dancer, I can't just pick fault at all." "I thought you'd start with a lot of nonsense, but you went straight into a Viennese Waltz," said Len. "The Viennese is supposed to be like being on the crest of a wave," said Bruno. "You were dancing majestically tonight."

"It was the cat and the nine lives, and this was the ninth and you've saved it this week," said Bruno to James and Camilla. "That's the best I've seen you dance," said Craig. "James it was stylish, it was elegant," agreed Arlene. "Dancing like that, you'd have a chance in the final."

"Absolutely outstanding, it was gorgeous," gushed Craig about Colin and Erin. "You were just a joy to watch. I felt the warmth come through," agreed Arlene. "That was the best Ballroom dance of the night," said Len.

"It was a good performance for such a big man, doing possibly the hardest of the Latin dances," said Len to Darren and Lilia. "For the first time you looked nervous tonight," said Bruno. "You weren't firing on all cylinders in the Samba." "I didn't like that at all," said Craig. "It just didn't suit you, it was quite embarrassing, actually."

"Dramatically, you lost it Zoe," said Arlene about Zoe and Ian's Paso. "It was all a bit fairground." Len agreed: "For a Paso Doble it lacked a wow factor for me." "On the whole you danced the dance very well," disagreed Craig, adding, "but like Arlene I was expecting a more dramatic scenario."

"You went from Fred Astaire to Freddy Krueger," said Bruno [about James and Camilla's dance.] "It was like Nightmare on Elm Street." "That was the most redundant Rumba I've ever seen," agreed Craig. "It lacked warmth romance... and sincerity," said Len.

"I thought you looked a little bit uncomfortable during that," said Craig to Colin and Erin. "I thought it was completely underwhelming tonight... it was flatfooted," said Arlene. "In the beginning, you were like Harry Potter on a Nimbus 2000," said Len. "Footloose, but a bit too loose tonight," said Bruno.


Week 10:

"That was like a butterfly with four feet, it was so fast, it was so light... that was superb," said Len to Colin and Erin. "That had the glamour and the sparkle of a diamond display," said Bruno. "I think the words 'trip the light fantastic' were written for Colin," gushed Arlene.

"The musical phrasing was absolutely divine... but in the opening you still had what I call spatula hands," said Craig about Darren and Lilia. Len was riled: "That was fabulous... you danced like a man... you led your partner... that was great dancing," he protested. "You have transformed yourself into the cheeky angel of the north," said Bruno.

"You two are a dream team," said Arlene regarding Zoe and Ian. "What they were doing out there was floorplay!" "It had drama, it had passion it had emotion.... but occasionally Zoe lost her posture," said Len. "That was a blockbuster - the Gone with the Wind of Tango!" disagreed Bruno. "It was absolutely savage," said Craig. "I loved every minute of it. It was the best Tango of all three series."

"That was a smoulder, lava-flow of a Rumba," said Bruno to Colin and Erin. "It was very sensual, I believed the connection between you... You actually dance with your soul, which is fantastic to see," said Craig.

"Amazing! Your timing is exceptional... but it didn't flow," said Craig about Darren and Lilia. "I thought you were great; one proud hunky Matador," said Arlene. "That was like watching a peacock in full regalia... even your arms were in the right place!" said Bruno.

"I wanted to get up and join in your carnival," said Arlene regarding Zoe and Ian. "I thought it was absolutely sensational," agreed Craig. "Best Latin dance of the night," said Len.


Week 11 - Christmas Special:

"It was the return of Action Jackson," said Len about Colin and Erin. "You really was sparkling there... your hip action was like Spaghetti Junction," said Bruno. "I think you're both seriously back in action... you are two of the best celebrity dancers I have ever seen," said Craig.

"Rachel, a radiant golden love idol, with legs to die for! You could be in the West End right now." said Bruno to Rachel and Brendan. "From a star of Dancing with the Stars over there, to a star dancing here on our floor!," agreed Arlene. "What a lovely pair," said Len, "dancing!" he added quickly! "It wasn't the dance of love, it was the dance of lust - it was lovely," said Craig.

"That was smooth, sexy, stylish - that opening lift was fantastic," said Arlene regarding James and Camilla. "The whole thing for me was your best dance," said Len. "It was a box of delight," agreed Bruno. Craig found it clumsy, but he was shouted down by both Len and Arlene.

"Once you got into it was beautiful... full of grace full of style," said Craig to Zoe and Ian. "I thought you were a dazzling Christmas fairy, dealing stardust to the audience," said Bruno. "It was fantastic!" said Len.

"The Terminator and Tinkle Bell battling it out... you were better than you were in America," said Bruno about Evander and Karen. "That must have been the most disturbing Jive I've ever seen," said a brave Craig. "I never thought I'd see the day when I'd see Evander Holyfield wiggling his bum in front of my very eyes!" said a flirty Arlene.

"Once again the boy from Barnsley has proved he can dance and deliver," gushed Arlene about Darren and Lilia. "I absolutely loved it," said Craig. "You were like a Red Arrow giving a masterful display over the city - you were fantastic!" said Bruno.